I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
