I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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