We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
