I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
