I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
