Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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