She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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