So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
