I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
