I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Say something about gay babies.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
