the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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