when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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