the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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