i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
