Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
