They should really pass out barf bags in church
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize