Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
