Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
