my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
