I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize