So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
