you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is Oprah even human
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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