literally had 100 drinks last night.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
