What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
the gays at disneyland are vicious
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
