Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
