I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
