your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
