Don't make out with my wife yet
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
