everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
