The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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