and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
