I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
