Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
