Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
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