What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
