I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
