she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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