Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
