He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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