i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
