did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
