you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
