fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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