I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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