i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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