She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
