how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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