Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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