Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think i got beer on your cat.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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