Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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