4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
