Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
