At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
