just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize