Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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