I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
