Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
