I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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