Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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