it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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