two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize