Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
