Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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