Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
