are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
