Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize