jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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