You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
