No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
