I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
