Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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