god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
