you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize